He caught my eye and I couldn’t help myself, I had to watch. It wasn’t easy, being in a small room I was sure he would sense my lingering glances so i was extra cautious and ready to quickly switch my gaze. I wondered what he was feeling at that moment. It seemed there was something speaking to him emotionally or memories were being triggered. I saw there and wondered what stories he had to share and if there was any way I could relate with him. You reach a point when dealing with a terminal diagnosis that you feel quite alone and unable to be a part of the normal world, or at least I have. I sit with my “healthy” friends, finding myself distant because I can’t connect with them like I used to. They simply can’t understand how your world gets turned upside down, and it’s so hard to always be positive around them but I also hate being sad and negative when I’m lucky enough to have time with friends. Maybe I’m drawn to him because he could provide an outlet for my fears, a place I can be someone different, an opportunity to lie.
The Wrong Lottery 
Leave a comment